*** I wrote this post about a year ago, but I'm still the same. When I read this today, I somehow felt the same desperation now as I did then. If you happen to know, tell me about your MBTI and how you deal with your stereotypical struggles. The information they provide about the types is not there as an excuse to fail, but to show you your shortcomings. So let's help each other grow in both our types weaknesses and strengths! ***
My whole life, I have always felt a bit different. I struggle showing any raw and real emotion. This isn't normal, is it? Everyone else seems to know how to be 100% vulnerable, so why can't I?
A few weeks ago, someone at work mentioned a personality test that is actually accurate and researched. I looked up the site, and a few days later, I took the Myers-Briggs personality test. After you get your results, they have a plethora of information about your personality type readily available. It is scarily precise. Guess what! Less than 3% of earth's population has a personality like me, and of that 3%, only 1% are women. My heart did a little jig; different has always been my thing.
While different has always been my thing, I might not always like it. I want to be peculiar and distinctive in the way I live my life, but not quite so much in relationships. You see, people with the INTP personality are one of the least emotional groups of humans. They rely on facts, not emotions, to figure people out. Turns out that facts don't tend to bring people together.
I have an unquenchable desire; I wish desperately to be comfortable around people. While I am not insecure about who I am as a person, I can't seem to figure out why everyone else never ceases to be comfortable, while I'm not. I guess I just got lucky in the whole *facts-over-emotions and pleasedon'ttouchme* personality I have. I love hugs and the such, but I am not the one to initiate physical affection. The same goes for conversations. I hate small talk and initiating the conversation. But get me started on something I am thoroughly fascinated by, and I will spew out all and any thing that I know about said subject. On the other hand, I am also perfectly happy to work in silence; my own little world of imagination is a very satisfying place.
So where does this leave me? Now that I know that my personality is such that I struggle with sharing emotion, what do I do with this fact? I refuse to use it as an excuse for separating myself from society, but I also hate putting myself out there. I just want it to be easy to connect with people. I want them to feel comfortable sharing what's going on in their life. [I love hearing life stories] I long for deep connections with the mortals surrounding me, but I don't know how. Until I know a person, I feel like everything I say is so forced. I hate it.
As my thoughts roll out in various explanations of the same grievance, I ask two things. One, please have patience with me. I don't really have this *people-ing* thing down. Two, help me. I want to know you. Your obsessions, your experiences, and what made you the person you are now. Tell me. I might stay silent, but that is simply because I am listening, calculating, and learning to feel.
I am learning. It seems to go slowly, but I want to learn how to appreciate people and how to respect their emotions. Excuse me.
My whole life, I have always felt a bit different. I struggle showing any raw and real emotion. This isn't normal, is it? Everyone else seems to know how to be 100% vulnerable, so why can't I?
A few weeks ago, someone at work mentioned a personality test that is actually accurate and researched. I looked up the site, and a few days later, I took the Myers-Briggs personality test. After you get your results, they have a plethora of information about your personality type readily available. It is scarily precise. Guess what! Less than 3% of earth's population has a personality like me, and of that 3%, only 1% are women. My heart did a little jig; different has always been my thing.
While different has always been my thing, I might not always like it. I want to be peculiar and distinctive in the way I live my life, but not quite so much in relationships. You see, people with the INTP personality are one of the least emotional groups of humans. They rely on facts, not emotions, to figure people out. Turns out that facts don't tend to bring people together.
I have an unquenchable desire; I wish desperately to be comfortable around people. While I am not insecure about who I am as a person, I can't seem to figure out why everyone else never ceases to be comfortable, while I'm not. I guess I just got lucky in the whole *facts-over-emotions and pleasedon'ttouchme* personality I have. I love hugs and the such, but I am not the one to initiate physical affection. The same goes for conversations. I hate small talk and initiating the conversation. But get me started on something I am thoroughly fascinated by, and I will spew out all and any thing that I know about said subject. On the other hand, I am also perfectly happy to work in silence; my own little world of imagination is a very satisfying place.
So where does this leave me? Now that I know that my personality is such that I struggle with sharing emotion, what do I do with this fact? I refuse to use it as an excuse for separating myself from society, but I also hate putting myself out there. I just want it to be easy to connect with people. I want them to feel comfortable sharing what's going on in their life. [I love hearing life stories] I long for deep connections with the mortals surrounding me, but I don't know how. Until I know a person, I feel like everything I say is so forced. I hate it.
As my thoughts roll out in various explanations of the same grievance, I ask two things. One, please have patience with me. I don't really have this *people-ing* thing down. Two, help me. I want to know you. Your obsessions, your experiences, and what made you the person you are now. Tell me. I might stay silent, but that is simply because I am listening, calculating, and learning to feel.
I am learning. It seems to go slowly, but I want to learn how to appreciate people and how to respect their emotions. Excuse me.
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